Tears and Trembling

I don't know how to put into words everything we are learning and experiencing, but I want to share it with you anyways, so I will do my best.
I am in what is called a YWAM BDTS (Backpackers Discipleship Training School) this includes 3 months of discipleship training at the base in Oxford, New Zealand. The purpose of this training time is so that we will know God better in order to be able to genuinely make Him known during the second 3 month outreach phase. So, right now I am at the base with 2 other DTS schools (justice/mercy and rock climbers). In all there are about 40 students and staff here. Our days consist of a very organized schedule that looks something like this (with a few variations depending on the day):
6:15 work-out (optional)
6:45 breakfast
7:15 work duties (my job is hospitality ie. welcoming speakers, making thank you & b-day cards, brewing coffee)
7:45 personal devotional time with God
8:50 announcements
9:00 worship
10:00 lecture
11:15 tea time
11:30 lecture
1:00 lunch
2:30 lecture or community work project
6:00 dinner
7:30 free time or lecture or small groups
9:00 free time till lights out at 10:30

Weekends will be spent on local outreach/ short backpacking trips.
So, now that you know a basic structure of my day-to-day life, I will fill in the details with God's amazing work in these first 3 days.

On the first day of worship, we walked into a big empty room (no chairs) and a few people in front playing guitar and piano. It was free-style worship where God was the only member in the audience. We were free (and encouraged) to worship God however we thought would please Him most. Some people were dancing, sitting, standing with raised hands, laying prostrate, waving flags, etc. Wow! Standing there, singing & dancing out of joy to Jesus, the presence of God fell. For me, personally, when the Holy Spirit shows up, my physical response is often tears and trembling. Now let me tell you that I am not a very emotional woman in everyday life, but when the Spirit of God is ministering to my heart, the tears just start a flowin'! The words of the worship song went like this:
I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven
I Give it all to you God
Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open
There is nothing I hold on to
All glory to God forever amen.

It was awesome! I have not felt the presence of God in a worship service so heavily in a while and I was also aware that the Lord was just beginning to reach into some tender places in my heart that need His healing touch.
Oh man, first day of DTS and God is already starting to shake me up!
On the second day we were introduced to our fist speaker, Marty Emmett. Marty is a Kiwi (native New Zealander) who is passionate about repentance and freedom. I wish I could summarize his entire lecture, based on Hebrews 1:3, but I think you just had to be there. He challenged us to "get the hell out of our lives" that is to say, get rid of all the lies we have allowed to define our understanding of who God is and who He made us to be. By the end we were all standing on our chairs, yelling at the top of our lungs, shouting out all the lies we have been believing, asking God's forgiveness, and receiving the freedom of God's truth. Again, the tears and trembling came. But my reaction to the Holy Spirit was quite minimal compared to some students around me. God was doing a major work releasing people from the bondages of shame, anger, doubt, fear, ect. Oh man, lives were changed, faces were being lit up as the Father freed His sons and daughters. The rest of us would stand around whoever was going through this and pray for them and share words of encouragement that God gave us for them. It is a beautiful thing when the church uses the gifts to build herself up.
The third day there were similar occurrences. Today worship time was what we called prophetic-worship. Someone would share what God revealed to them about Himself during the previous day and then the song leaders would start singing and praising God for that attribute of Himself and the rest of us would join in. For instance, if God set someone radically free from the shame they have carried and revealed to them that He has made them pure and clean by the blood of His son and brought redemption to their life, we would start singing something like "You free us from shame and redeem us by Your name." We let God's character, as revealed on a personal level, inspire our worship of Him. Incredible!
During lecture today Marty taught about our self identity becoming God's identity of us by Romans 12:2 and breaking down strongholds of 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. Then we stood on our chairs again and shouted out the lies of passivity that we have been living by and asked God's forgiveness. This one was especially for the men because Adam committed passivity when he watched Eve eat the forbidden fruit and ever since then, it is a sad characteristic of many men. Two more people in our class were absolutely broken by God and set free from bondages and strongholds. I have a sense that my day is coming and I will tell you about it when it does because radical transformation leads to radical transparency.
I hope that all made sense, but please understand that it is very difficult to put into words such an incredible spiritual experience. Suffice it to say that God is making His true self known to us and is lighting us up with His Spirit so that we, in turn, might go light up the nations with the love of Jesus.

One more quick story. Something else we are learning is to hear and recognize the voice of God. This morning during my devotional time I asked the Lord to speak to me. I then had a clear thought in my mind which was simply "unveiled faces." So, I looked up that verse and read 2 Corinthians 3:12-18. I was so amazed to find that this section of scripture summarized the previous day's lessions and I was in awe of God. (I plan to memorize these verses now (quiz me on it, Dave)). Yes! Jesus is answering my prayer and speaking to me like He promised to do. Ahh, God is so good!!! All glory be to our amazing Father who loves us so much and His Son who sets us free! Be encouraged by the work of our living Lord as you read these stories and may your faith be built up!

(pictures to come soon, I promise)